This morning was difficult for me. My eldest drove my youngest to school. Sounds simple? Well for me two of the MOST important things in my life were going together in a tin can that anyone could just crash into at anytime. Melodramatic? Totally. But what can I do? They are my babies. Learning to live with this kind of worry is hard.
I always wear my emotions on my sleeve so to speak. No-one ever has to ask how I am, it’s written all over my face, and my daughters the same! So this morning as they got into the little van and tottled off down the lane I stood there wet faced. Where have the years gone?
It’s very hard to watch them grow and make their own choices. Yesterday I watched my daughter fall on her head from her pony. But she got up delighted with herself, because she had done so well until then. But my heart genuinely stopped.
The same with the driving. And the eldest is a better driver than me, hands down. But as they disappear out of sight, you know, and for one of the first times, you really have absolutely no control over what happens to them. And that’s really hard. And yes, the two words “control freak” springs to mind. But I’ve spent the guts of 17 & 13 years keeping them safe, so old habits die hard.
And yes, I did get a text saying they had arrived in one piece. Eventually. After I had texted to check. Hmmm. It looks like they weren’t as concerned as I was. Which is probably a good thing. Soon it will become the norm, and I hope I will worry less. But until then, the grey hair will be a bit more prominent, and the worry lines will be a little deeper.